broke again

I've eaten pork chops for my last three meals. I'm eating ramen before I go to class. I have no money. I constantly ask myself what I'm really feeling, but I never figure it out.
My professor for modern art assigned us to read this graphic novel The Acme Novelty Library Number 18. It's about a woman and what she thinks is her unbearable life. It's sadly real. Her life insn't bad, just painfully uneventful. I feel weird that I can relate more to a 2D illustration over millions of 'real' people.
This book may be influencing this, but lately I've fallen into this thought funk. I'm usually a pretty happy person, but then again, am I? I keep thinking more and more about leaving everything behind. I used to think it was just because I wanted to see and experience new things, which I still think may be the case, but why would one want to leave a good life so badly? I suppose I know in the next year or so there won't be much here for me anyway. My boyfriend's going to go off somewhere, which is a constant tangled thought in my mind. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just setting myself up for heartbreak again. Aside from him, Esmeralda is graduating soon, so I'll lose half my social life. But this is life, and things change and disappear. I know that.
Maybe Beh has a part in my mood lately. I miss him. I used to tell him all of my woes and worries. I want to see him tonight. Again, I go back and forth in my mind about the oddity of visiting a deceased rat for comfort. But here I am, a lonely girl that has no real reason to be lonely. But I suppose we're all lonely in one way or another.