chocolate milk

The shit's good. There's no drink more comforting than a nice big glass of chocolate milk. Even though it's not so comforting when you realize how many calories you're intaking, it sticks it to all of the things that make a day bad. So what if I lost my husband and two kids in a car crash, this milk is fucking delicious! Alright, that was bad, but I'm making a point, and an irrelevant one at that.

So I need to be touching up my paintings for the final review tomorrow, and of course, here I am on the computer typing out my recognition of my procrastination and further denial of the task that should be at hand. Bad habits are hard to break. It might be understandable if anyone read this thing, but I don't even have that on my side. I always end up doing this, and always regret it. There are some things that you live and live and live but never learn.

Alright, I'm going to go watch I'm Not There and attempt to finish these morning dream killer paintings.

i can see the top of the hill

Face it, Kid, you're going to be lonely for the rest of your life. Even when you find that significant other, they aren't going to understand you completely. I guess that's the fun part about it? We spend most of our lives trying to explain ourselves to others. Don't get down about it, because the person that you're down about is likely just as lonely as you are. Some people just don't like the way other people are lonely. You have to find the right person to be lonely with. At least we're all together on this lonely earth. Be yourself. You're the only one that's ever going to get who you fully are, no matter who that is.

A lot's happened since the last post. I've got about three more days of class to go. I slacked off a lot, so I now need to bust my ass - meaning I should be painting as I type this. Yeah, it's a painting class, but I don't think you realize how bad of a procrastinator I am.

Aside from the class load on my back, I would say things are going alright. I finally have money in my bank, enough to allow some credit card payments in addition to the regular bills. Quite exciting, no? Where am I getting this extra money, you ask? Well, no, Silly, I am not a whore of sexual favors, but that of pizza favors. I got a job at this local rough, tough, and out of shape pizza joint as a delivery driver. It's a pretty sweet gig going home with Benjamins and associated dead presidents in my hand. They had no idea that I would get a hold of their heads, but here I am with green lining in my pockets.

Esmeralda's moved in all her stuff, even had her bedroom thoroughly in place until the cleaning staff came to clean the empty room that wasn't so empty. She's not supposed to move in until August 22nd. Oops, but we knew that. So now all of her stuff's jammed in the spare room and the cleaners have yet to return. Hopefully that dust cloud will lift soon when the cleaners come.

Beethoven is fine. For a little bit there I feared he had worms or something, but a girl at PetSmart said that it sounded just like I was crazy and searching for something to be wrong with him. She didn't state it that bluntly, but that's how I felt when the conversation ended. She even said it'd be a bad idea to bring in some strange rat after he's been alone so long. Alright, Lady, you win. I think it's because he hasn't been able to run around my room as much as he's used to. I've been a busy girl. Sorry, Beh.

I need to paint.

here i am again and nothing's changed

I don't know why I try anymore. Finding someone is a lost cause. There's the downer statement, but I'm sure some could see it coming. My stream of guys is never cool, there's always something weird or wrong with them. Oh well, I like being lonely, haha, did anyone believe that?

So today my mother's coming with a couch, my stimulus check, and intent to buy me a bike. We're also going to move in Esmeralda's shit. I won't be lonely much longer.

I still need to finish this painting. It's dull since it's a gray scale still life. I need to do dishes and clean my fish vases as well. I don't know why I let these things go. I suppose living alone can make one lazy like that. No one's here to criticize.

I think this dank makes me a heavy person, probably in combination with my room's atmosphere. I guess I'll go wash dishes before Mom comes.

no boat today, guys are jerks

What the fuck? So Travis ignores my calls today, but answers April’s, and she learns that he’s already half way to Austin for the lake trip. What a mother fucker! I made it very clear how much I wanted to go on that damn boat. This is weird because Travis has never done anything to piss me off. Sure he’s a sleaze ball, but I don’t care, he’s always accommodated me and others very well. But what the hell, I thought he would at least answer my call and tell me I couldn’t come or something, right? I would at least do that. The funny thing is he’s all about being a ‘man’, but he pulls this shit? Sneaky little bastard. I was really looking forward to going out on the boat today, but whatever I guess. It just sucks when the people you least expect do this shit. Ugh, I’m just annoyed. But, anyway…

Today was the first day of painting class, and I’m pretty excited. It seems like I am going to have to go in every morning at 8am, but that’s probably for the better. We’re going to do four paintings during this month long class: the first one is a still life, second’s from a photo, third’s a portrait, and fourth one’s a landscape. So I should have some cool stuff by the end of this month to put on the wall.

After class I bought some supplies and went to the bank to deposit a check. Then I came back and cleaned my fan, this was pretty gross. After being satisfyingly productive I took a small nap, small because Raul called and woke me from my slumber. Oh, and before that the pest control came in and saw my backside and ran out, haha. Luckily, I was under the covers (I was of course nude as always). So Raul came over and I cooked us lunch. My newly ex roommate left this omelet Forman grill thing, so I tried that out. It’s a pretty nifty gadget. That’s been my day so far, I think I might go buy some stuff for Beh and possibly make a trip to the river.

I haven't really talked to ‘the guy’ much these past few days. I don't think he's avoiding conversation on purpose, but it’s making me lose faith in this forming relationship. Not lose faith, but fire, I suppose you could call it. Oh well, it’s not like I’m losing much, he’s thousands of miles away and I have two years left here. Things’ll work out if they’re supposed to. I do miss talking to him, though.

Well that's about it for now. Next time I see Travis I’m giving him so much shit.

behbeh

I'm getting worried about Beethoven, well, maybe not so much worried, but he needs someone in his life other than me. I'm hoping to get this second job rolling soon, and when that happens I'll invest in a play buddy. It's sad that I can't afford to maintain two rats, but it's the truth. On top of the rising gas prices, groceries, phone, water, and electric bills two rats would leave me searching for pennies on the pavement. And pennies don't get anyone shit these days. I still need to buy more bedding and a small bed to put on the third floor of his cage. I'm afraid that if I get another rat that Beethoven's just going to eat all of the food and leave the other to starve. Hopefully that won't happen, but it has been a while since he's shared. He's a good boy, though. His main focus is on food, so I'm hoping another rat will help him recover from this one track mind of his. From what I've read on the internet it's not the best to introduce a foreign rat so late, but I have no choice. He once had a brother who got a cyst and was traded for a different rat who then ended up dieing of meningitis. But at the time of two rats one of my friends was going in half and half on them with me, so I was really only paying for Beh. Since the death of Banks, the other rat, he's been an only child, or rat, whichever you want to call it. But we've bonded during that time, or at least I would like to think so. I really need to try and teach him shit. Anyways, that's been on my mind lately.

Today I switched out my huge drafting table (it's now in the guest bedroom) for a desk, and now I have a lot more room. I think I might rearrange things once more, but I'm going to wait a bit on that. Esmeralda and Petty were over earlier, and we watched a Yeah Yeah Yeah's DVD. Now I'm drinking wine alone and blogging about Beh, but only because I skipped out on the party scene since I start class tomorrow at 8am, blehhhh. At least it's painting, and I'm actually in a 'special problems' class, which is almost like independent study, so I won't have to go in every morning at 8 like I usually would. Woo hoo. After class tomorrow I'm supposed to go out with Travis and Tracy on Tracy's new boat. They've gone out a few times already, but I had to work all the days before and couldn't go. I'm pretty pumped. I just hope they don't have a lot of dumb bitches going too. I'll have fun regardless.

Fish are so weird when they sleep. They're like floating death. I'm looking at Egor right now, and if I didn't know better, I would bet my life he was dead. I bet that could be said about me when I sleep too. And speaking of which, I just finished my wine so it is time to hit the sack. It's already 2am. Until next time, have fun in the sun and don't eat that yellow snow.