jumping in to cold water

Mornings of cold water jumping shock me into the deep breath of the day. Swimming against the cool force of the current washes my mind to banks unpolluted with worry. I like the ironic calm I feel as I stare into the interweaving waters. In this moment of my life, I see my existence differently. I consciously understand that I am on this earth merely existing like so many others. And I become intrigued. I become fascinated. With all of it, all of the minuscule details that come together and define everything I know, everything I don't know.

I can't fight my urge to stare. At everyone. I want to know the lines on your face. I want to know how you pick up objects to investigate and the faces you make within that investigation. I want to know the experiences that sculpted you into your daily routine or chaos, whatever the case may be. I love to watch people live. But I also like to live. I like to live outside, and report back to the in.

Here I am. In my bed debating whether I should get up for a swim or remain in the dream world. Lately getting out has been winning. I rarely experience the town in the early morning, and have found it an amiable place. Today I'm really enjoying it. I met up with my friend Andrew, who's one of my favorite people right now. With him, a stranger. Casper. Casper interests me. Different life styles always intrigue me. He has one I would never take up, but I enjoy listening to his details. DMT. He swears by it, life altering, though he says changing. For the better, they both assure me. They recollect the visions they experienced within the five to twenty minute periods of their trips. Sounds much like salvia, though they guarantee it's better. Casper does hallucinogens on a regular basis. Crazy kid. Constant conscious dreaming, seems mentally exhausting.

It's a funny world. With all of these funny people. All of these funny people searching for funny things. I've started trying to look at my life more from outside of me. As if I were just watching a movie. I'm the protagonist, and it seems easier to dream up goals and destinations for myself when it's my movie instead of my life. Everyone knows a good movie when they watch one, so I know I have to make changes when this plot of mine hits a plateau. I can't just walk out on this one.